Ask Bee: Where Should I Take the Woman I’m Falling For?
On romance without suffocation—and three winter nights in Turin.
Dear Bee,
I am a 43-year-old man who has not had a girlfriend for quite some time. Recently, however, I met an amazing woman. We have a great deal in common and the most incredible fun together.
She is very laid-back and has a full life of her own, which I appreciate enormously. In previous relationships, I have often felt suffocated—as though I were slowly being swallowed by the whole business of coupledom.
I had several long-term relationships during my twenties and thirties, but this is the first time in my forties that I have met someone who makes me want to try again. I feel unexpectedly grateful.
I would love to show her how much I appreciate her by taking her away somewhere. You are so cultured, Bee: can you suggest a destination and perhaps give me an itinerary of sorts? I am imagining a long weekend somewhere in Europe this winter.
Best wishes,
Antoine
Dear Antoine,
You sound delighted, grateful and slightly frightened—which is not a bad combination at the beginning of something important.
First, I wonder whether it was intimacy itself that suffocated you in your previous relationships, or a particular version of intimacy in which two people were expected to surrender their separate lives and become a single administrative unit.
A good relationship should not require either person to disappear. It is not one life swallowing another, but two complete lives creating a third space between them. The fact that this woman has interests, friendships and a life of her own may be precisely why you can breathe around her.
Protect that quality when arranging the trip.
Do not surprise her with non-refundable tickets and an already determined programme. A grand romantic gesture can feel less like generosity when the recipient has not been consulted. Offer her the idea rather than presenting her with a finished decision:
“I would love to take you to Turin for three nights this winter. Would that appeal to you?”
That allows the trip to remain an invitation rather than an obligation.
And yes, I said Turin.
Paris arrives carrying an entire mythology of romance. Venice can make an early weekend away feel perilously close to an engagement announcement. Turin is subtler. It is elegant, intelligent and faintly mysterious: baroque squares, covered arcades, historic cafés, extraordinary museums, excellent wine and the Alps appearing at the end of the street when the weather is clear.
It is romantic without continually insisting that you behave romantically.
Where to stay
Stay in or close to the historic centre, preferably somewhere intimate rather than in an enormous international hotel. Opera35 is a quietly elegant boutique hotel in a historic building, well placed for walking but removed from the most obvious tourist bustle.
Book three nights—Friday to Monday, if possible. The governing principle should be one significant plan each day. Leave the rest of the time available for wandering, sleeping late, drinking wine or unexpectedly finding somewhere you both prefer to anything I have suggested.
Friday: Arrive without performing
Check in, unpack and resist the urge to begin “seeing Turin” immediately.
Walk slowly towards Piazza Carlo Emanuele II, Piazza Carignano and Piazza Castello. Pass through the Galleria Subalpina and stop at Baratti & Milano, the splendid historic café at its entrance, for coffee, chocolate or an aperitivo.
For dinner, reserve a table at Ristorante Consorzio. Its approach is serious about ingredients and Piedmontese cooking without becoming ceremonious or stiff—the right atmosphere for a first evening when you want excellent food but still wish to laugh.
Afterwards, walk back to the hotel. Do not ask where the relationship is going. Do not attempt to manufacture a cinematic moment. Let the pleasure of being somewhere new together be sufficient.
Saturday: Ancient Egypt and an hour apart
After breakfast, visit the Museo Egizio, whose collection spans approximately four thousand years of Egyptian history. Reserve your tickets through the museum’s official site before travelling; this is the one booking I would consider essential.
Do not try to see everything. Choose the rooms and objects that genuinely hold your attention. Museums are more enjoyable when treated as encounters rather than examinations.
Have a long lunch afterwards, then do something that might initially appear peculiar on a romantic weekend: spend an hour apart.
She might browse shops or return to the hotel. You might find a bookshop, take a walk or sit alone with an espresso. Reunite later. The hour is not a rejection of intimacy but a demonstration that closeness can contain air.
Toward dusk, walk along Via Po to Piazza Vittorio Veneto, cross the river and, if the sky is clear, continue towards Monte dei Cappuccini for the view back across the city.
For dinner, try Scannabue in San Salvario: warm, lively and grounded in Piedmontese cooking. Reserve ahead, but otherwise allow the evening to find its own shape.
Sunday: Cinema, chocolate and no agenda
Begin late. Go to Caffè Mulassano for coffee and one of its famous little sandwiches, then continue to the Mole Antonelliana.
Inside is Turin’s National Museum of Cinema, which is playful enough for two people in love and substantial enough for two people interested in culture. Take the panoramic lift if it is operating and the weather is clear.
Afterwards, have no plan for several hours.
Walk beneath the arcades. Buy chocolates. Stop for a glass of Barbera. Find a shop neither of you knew existed. Return to the hotel and sleep. New couples often make the mistake of filling every available moment because silence or inactivity feels dangerous. It is worth discovering whether you can enjoy an unoccupied afternoon together.
If you both care more about art and design than cinema, substitute the museum with the Pinacoteca Agnelli and La Pista 500 at Lingotto. The former Fiat rooftop test track has become an open-air art space—an elegant meeting of Italian industry, architecture and contemporary culture.
For your final evening, I would leave the choice open. Return somewhere you liked, follow a recommendation from the hotel or simply find a small neighbourhood restaurant that appears inviting. Not every good experience must be researched in advance.
Monday: One last cup
Before leaving, walk to Caffè Al Bicerin near the Santuario della Consolata and share the drink from which the café takes its name: coffee, chocolate and cream served in layers.
Then go home before the trip becomes exhausting.
The success of this weekend will not depend upon how many things you see, how much you spend or whether every restaurant is perfect. It will depend upon whether you remain attentive to the woman actually beside you rather than to your idea of what a romantic trip ought to look like.
You do not need to repay her for entering your life. Nor should you make her responsible for redeeming everything that felt difficult in your previous relationships. Your gratitude is lovely, but keep it light enough for her to receive.
Invite her. Listen to what she wants. Plan one beautiful thing each day and leave room around it.
At forty-three, love does not have to mean being swallowed whole. It may simply mean discovering somebody with whom you can share a city—and still breathe.
With love,
Bee
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